Carlton Empire Lager

This may be the last review of this beer... it appears that CUB have stopped making it. I bought a single bottle to try at Woolworths liquor the other day. The sign read ’discontinued line’ and staff working in the shop informed me that the beer was ’obselete’. Quite a shame really because I found this to be a fairly good drop. Smooth, crisp and easy to drink. Inoffensive, not bitter at all. I loved the bottle too. A shame CUB is pulling the plug on this one. Certainly not the worst beer on the market.

This is one of those execrable ’concept’ beers where a bunch of marketers sat around a table and asked, "How can we repackage the same old crap to tap into a younger, more fashionable market?" You don’t see this much any more, so whatever the answer to that question might be, this presumably wasn’t it. Thank Christ because this is dire. A high pour raised a modest head and a stale vegetal aroma. There’s a whiff of wet cardboard and adjuncts but nothing at all encouraging. As with all these piddling Carlton lagers, it’s overcarbonated and full of sugary sweetness to mask the vegetal mid-palate, soggy malts and absence of a finish. This is desperately thinly hopped. In fact, this is barely distinguishable from VB. (345ml bottle)

Not a good beer at all. I was looking forward to Australian beers but man have they disapointed. Where do the dark beers hide. Not all Australian beers are bad but this one is. Sydney.

Has got to be serious contender to CUB’s worst beer, quite a note worthy achievement. Clear light gold just like a bunch of other macro largers. Adjunct malts on nose? CUB staleness lurking as well. Very dry, crisp palate with underlying stale notes and faint syrupy, manufactured malts.

Ooh wow. I remember seeing ads for this stuff a couple of years ago. At the start of the year, I saw it cheap, and not having heard any opinions about it, I bought a carton. Normally a carton doesnt last longer than a few weeks for me. I still have 6 stubbies laying about neglected. I have put one in the fridge for the purpose of this review. Here goes: Looks about the same colour it comes out. Head looks scum-laden. Manages to taste worse than VB somehow. Kinda feel sick after the first few mouthfuls. You can almost hear the CO2 molecules screaming "I’m free! Free from this godforsaken beverage!" as it goes across your tounge. Aftertaste is not pleasant in the least. Looks like the rest are going to stay in the closet for another 7 months...

Pale golden, clear, medium head. I wouldn’t go so far as calling this "foul", but it is pretty boring. Sweet malt is really all you get for flavour (the same as all corn-adjunct, over-processed pale lagers on the market). I wouldn’t choose to drink it again if an alternative were available, but I wouldn’t turn it down if the beerfridge was empty on a Friday night. This is my standard review for all "two-star-or-less" piss.

Bottled. Fizzy golden, very brief head. Corn aroma, Very sweet with sharp, hard, fizzy mouthfeel. The dominating flavour is boiled vegetables. Low bitterness. Really awful.

Geez, why did I even bother? Talk about hard to down, this beer is possibly the biggest joke to hit the shelves of the local Liquor store since Carlton Cold!!! Warning bells were there just from the label and the clear glass bottle, I should have put it back. Poured into a Pilsner glass, medium soapy white head formed quickly atop a crystal clear straw body. Heavy metallic aroma, skunky, and something almost like Ouzo and coke wafted from the glass. Carlton Cold in the mouth, very soapy and Diacetyl slick, chemically derived carbonation and clamminess across the palate, yet oddly flavourless. Almost not beer at all. I don’t know what drugs the Bean counters at CUB are on because this is an insulting Drain poor of a ’drink’. ’Nuff said!!!